3 Things I’ve learned in My Twenties (I)

Hello, been a while since I last posted. Been going through quite a lot of changes in my life right now, and sometimes it gets really rough. That led me to the thought where I found myself thinking “What if I never went to law school?”, and “What if I put myself first in my early 20s?”…etc. A lot of rather obnoxious presumptions and questioning each and every choice I made when I was just a teenager stepping into adulthood. They always say nowadays that “your 30s are the new 20s”. Is that true?

1. Don’t believe everything you think

This quote is basically my motto right now. Having been busy setting up my new company, with loads of thoughts and ideas flooding in my head everyday, I found myself sometimes too indulged in my own opinion. Being “open- minded” is not as easy as they say. If I go by the book and tell you that being open-minded is to be “willing to listen to, think about, or accept different ideas“-(Oxford Dictionary, 2019), you will think that it’s a rather easy thing to achieve, right? But in real life, every one of us have our own little rule book, our own morals and principles. And sometimes, it has carved too deep in our minds that we judge someone or something just by how our perceptions reflect to us. Try questioning your own principles, putting yourself in others’ shoes (this is both literally and figuratively difficult to do), and try saying that “I don’t know too much about this topic” if you got yourself in an argument with someone on something you don’t have too much knowledge about. The truth is, we will never have the ability to have enough knowledge on everything that is happening in the world. And that’s the fun bit- keep discovering, keep learning.

2. Enjoying solitude is a good attribute

If you ask any of my close friends a year ago, they will definitely tell you that I’m definitely not the type of person that can survive without a close relationship in my life. And having reached my mid twenties, I found my old self caught in this little trap I led myself into- “the fear of solitude” a bit too many times. I always tell others that I’m independent, I’ve survived boarding school and I’ve lived on my own for 7 years, so yeah “I’m the tough guy”. But well, I was not. I feared being left alone. I feared not being loved. I feared not fitting in. And the worst thing is, I DENIED all those fears. I found myself constantly trying to find something to use up my time, someone to depend on emotionally, and completely ignoring the fact that this fear of mine has become a burden to myself and to others. But allow me to tell you this cold hard truth: Only ever do things for yourself, not for others. And don’t expect anything in return, as loyalty is a bonus but not a must, people come and go, and the only thing you can always rely on and be afraid of at the same time is- yourself. So go ahead, invest time on yourself, try sleeping alone when you are tired of all the shits happening in a bad relationship, try eating alone, try telling the people who say that “You will die alone, with two cats and nobody in your life..” that they can go f*ck themselves. Self love is never a selfish thing, it is basic respect to yourself.

3. Life is so much better when you are not a hoarder of your past.

Everyone has their own history. They all have their stories to tell. Sometimes, we met the love of our life but it just didn’t work out. And yeah, that happens to the twenty something me as well. I was a big hoarder of my past. I yearned for a chance to have mend things with the woman I loved, I dreamed of meeting her again and tell her I’ve changed,  I was completely indulged in the good old memories of me and her. But that’s life isn’t it, that things don’t actually work out the way we thought it would have, and we should know the time when we should stop dreading on it. The past is a strong reminder to us that some mistakes are never to be done again, and that sometimes sadness can be a uplifting thing that drives us forward. Embrace grief, spend time crying about it, it’s okay to remember but it’s not okay to get stuck in it. If you want someone back, look into your past and move forward, try to become a better person. If you want to get another degree, go for it. Stop looking back day and night and NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT. You can be a dreamer but in real life you have to have the smarts to be able to execute things too.

 

That’s all for today. Hope these relates to all of you that’s reading, and I’ll try my best to update this blog way more often.